Mimosa Solutions

I was recently asked for tips on how to read personality preferences of other people and as a result be able to communicate in a way that they will respond best to. I thought of my children and how paying attention to what they say often gives clear indications about their preferences.

My daughter Scarlett was reading her book to Luc and me. When she finished, Luc announced that he didn’t ‘get’ the Grandma in the story to which Scarlett added, “Yes, me too (sic)!”.

When asked to explain, Luc said he was bothered about how the picture shows Grandma actually aiming at the window on the page before her kick sends the ball flying through the glass. His literal interpretation of the facts illustrated his preference for Sensing and his natural tendency to takes things at face value (“Of course she was going to break the glass, she’s facing the window!!”).

Scarlett’s issue on the other hand was the fact that Grandma played on the inflatable castle despite the notice that clearly stated it was for “Children Only”. Scarlett’s natural affinity for rules and fairness aligns with her preference for Judging. She could not fathom that Grandma could flout the rules so brazenly!

The learning here is that any conversation is an opportunity to learn about what makes people tick. Adapting your communication behaviour is the pinnacle of communication versatility. The first critical step towards this is to improve your listening skills and then process what you hear to achieve a deeper level of awareness.

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
E.B. White

In the past couple of days, I’ve come across two examples of the Judging/Perceiving preferences at play that I wanted to share. These preferences speak to our natural inclination for structure, orderliness and planning (Judging) versus openness, spontaneity and flexibility (Perceiving).

While delivering a MBTI coaching session, a client shared how his extreme preference for Judging manifests itself at the weekend.

“Every event of the weekend must be planned in advance and if anyone in the family (wife, child, whoever) does not apprise me of something that’s going on, I refuse to accommodate”.

Fine if everyone in the family is also Judger who thrives on the predictability but probably living hell for a flexible, spontaneous Perceiver!

The next situation came about about while discussing via email details of a potential business partnership. As we exchanged ideas of how it might work, it struck me that this was also a great case study in Type preferences.

My future business partner, Mr N., shared concerns about possible outcomes from an upcoming workshop. It had not even occurred to me to hypothesise about what might happen.

As a Sensing Perceiver, my preference is to plan the critical elements but then  react to situations spontaneously, adopting a more “let’s just see what happens” approach to most things.  Mr N. on the other hand, was naturally drawn to envisage and plan for multiple eventualities (Intuitive Judger).

We eventually agreed to a “pilot” where we’ll see what happens the first time and then make appropriate plans for subsequent occasions. Perfect compromise and all Types were happy.

The learning for me and hopefully for you is that next time you’re planning, even if it’s just what you’re going to do at the weekend, stop, reflect and plan (!) what you can do to meet the needs of everyone’s natural preferences for Judging or Perceiving.

Cultural propriety is an important part of doing global business. Just how critical it is for newcomers to doing business in Asia is included in most cultural integration training. For example, how to properly swap business cards (accept card with two hands and read before putting away) is an easy habit to adopt and is helpful in getting a business meeting off to a good start.

Cultural versatility goes deeper than remembering the accepted customs. It requires an understanding of our cultural frameworks and an appreciation of ones own personality preferences.

Let’s take the business card example. The culture that requires reading the card before putting it away is likely to be one that rates highly on the power distance cultural dimension. In other words, hierarchy is important and therefore, you are expected to use the title on the card to situate yourself in a hierarchy with the person you are meeting. You are then expected to conduct the meeting accordingly. If you come from a culture that does not pay much attention to hierarchy (low power distance), this may not come naturally.

Taking a few seconds to really read and assimilate the few words on the card actually requires focus and involves a pause in conversation. Extroverts have a natural preference to act first and think later. To reflect with speaking at the beginning of a meeting when all you want is to get down to business, can be quite a challenge.

Authentic cultural versatility, as opposed to adopting business customs, is a skill that can be learned. Next time you use one of the cultural customs, reflect on the significance of the custom and what it means in relation to your culture and personality.

The Harvard Business Review just published a blog post looking at the topic of management decision making. It cites examples of managers who take too long deliberating a decision as well as those who rush too quickly into making decisions.

We all make many decisions every day. If I was to ask you how you approach each decision you make, you might reply “it depends on the decision”. In fact, your preferred decision making style is a function of the personality you were born with. The MBTI psychometric instrument reveals how your mental functions work together to create a framework for how you approach decision making.

Someone with a preference for Sensing will seek out facts, details and experience to inform a decision while someone with a preference for Intuition might prefer to explore more abstract possibilities and opportunities and be less concerned with details. The HBR article states that some managers over-think decisions by getting too bogged down in irrelevant details (this would indicate a strong preference for Sensing). In this context I would tend to use the term “over analyze” since it is very easy for our brains can get cluttered with details such that meaningful reflection becomes inhibited.

The other extreme in terms of decision making would be the person who as HBR puts it, “make snap decisions in high-pressure situations, [such that they] may miss out on good opportunities”. How compelled we feel to make quick decisions relates to the MBTI opposite pair of Judging and Perceiving. A person with a preference for Judging who likes to get things settled quickly, might be so intent on closure that they do not take the time to consider different possibilities or details. Someone with a preference for Perceiving, on the other hand, might prefer to leaves things open to allow for new information such that they might delay or even avoid decision making.

The opposite pair that directly relates to how we make decisions is the Thinking/Feeling dichotomy. While this dichotomy does not relate to how quickly or slowly we make decisions, it is critical to understanding your natural decision making preference and being able to appreciate how other people approach decisions differently. A person with a preference for Thinking will engage in objective analysis of an issue. As long as the process is fair and equitable, a Thinker has no problem announcing a decision even if it means bad news. Someone with a preference for Feeling, on the other hand, will be more subjective and consider the effects of the decision on people and relationships.

So how can you improve the way you approach decision making? First, identify which are your dominant preferences from the descriptions above. Then make a conscious effort to exercise your non dominant preferences.

For example:

• A Senser might make more effort to understand longer term consequences of decisions.
• An Intuitive person might pay more attention to facts and experience to help them decide whether a course of action is realistic.
• A Thinker might be more empathetic with affected persons when approaching and communicating decisions.
• A Feeler might try to make decisions from a more objective perspective.
• A preference for Judging might benefit from making sure that all options and available information have been considered rather than rushing to a conclusion.
• A person with a Perceiving preference might have to push themselves to make a final decision instead of procrastinating.

MBTI preferences are just that; preferences. Identifying your natural style empowers you to plan your own personal development to improve your decision making skills.

I was reading, Introverts: The Best Leaders for Proactive Employees on the Harvard Business school blog this morning. Extroverted and introverted leaders were observed (no word on whether they were acting in or out of preference) and they found that “Both types of leaders, the extraverts and the introverts, can be equally successful or ineffectual, but with different groups of employees“. In fact the research then goes on to show that introverted leaders are more likely to succeed because they are more receptive to ideas from their proactive staff.

While I agree with balancing teams with complementary personality types, the extroversion/introversion dichotomy is just one element of our personalities. What about how we take in information, how we make decisions? During a MBTI team workshop, we look at the Extroversion/Introversion type preference but we also examine the preferences of each team member with regards to three more dichotomies Sensing/Intuition, Thinking/Feeling and Judging/Perceiving. When it comes to team problem solving and decision making, an appreciation of the team’s personality type preference in terms of the latter three dichotomies can actually make the most difference to performance.

I’m not questioning the value of the research (it made for an interesting read and prompted me to write an entry in response, after all) but I wonder whether this approach to the dynamics of leadership and team personality is just a little simplistic.

When I was 15, my mother wanted me to join the UK civil service to guarantee a “job for life”. I chose not to heed her well intentioned advice but at the time most college leavers did expect to spend many years nurturing a career within the same organisation.

Today, much about growing up and entering the job market is different:

• Technology has gifted us with information on-demand, so instead of learning facts by heart, we simply Google the information we need.

• Our social lives are also on-demand where online friendships are nurtured at the click of a mouse.

• The practice of individualized parenting has us heaping praise and positive reinforcement on children.

These factors contribute to a young workforce that believes it can do a) anything and b) no wrong.  Is it any wonder that the Class of 2011 whitepaper from iloverewards.com describes a young generation of workers as “over-confident, impetuous, immature, tech-obsessed, coddled and in need of constant praise”?

So how can a new employer embrace the needs of a changing workforce that craves an organisational culture of  “transparency, engagement, reputation and communication”?

A well thought out and executed employee engagement strategy is critical. Here are some areas that might be included in the strategy:

• Continuous recognition of specific achievements and contributions
• Individual goals and objectives that align with company goals
• A coaching culture that encourages autonomous problem solving
• Frequent informal communication especially during times of change
• Awareness of employees strengths and potential weaknesses

If you are a manager, the sooner you realise the importance of bridging the gap between workforce expectations and the current organisation culture, the better. In all likelihood, your competitors already have.

People often comment on how my four year old daughter, Scarlett, and I are so alike. While we may bear a striking physical resemblance to one another, when it comes to our personalities, our differences are equally striking. Luc, our seven year old, has always been an “easy” child to please. The opposite can be said of Scarlett. However, thanks to my work with the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), I have learned that Luc and I share several personality preferences thus making him an “easy” child with whom I can relate. On the other hand, Scarlett and I are opposites on all four of the MBTI preferences and therein lies the problem.

The MBTI tool is used worldwide for improving team-building, communication, career planning and conflict resolution. It has now become an invaluable tool for me in my most important job: parent.

Type can be defined as your preference in four opposite personality dimensions. When combined, these preferences affect all aspects of our lives, from how we play as toddlers to the subjects or activities in school that interest or bore us. Later in life, the occupations we find satisfying as adults are also likely to be influenced by our Type preferences.

MBTI is based on the hypothesis of psychologist Carl Jung: that we are born with natural preferences for how we renew our energy, how we take in information, and how we make decisions.

The first of the four MBTI dimensions, Introversion/Extraversion, describes where our energy is directed and how we replenish our energy. Introversion describes the preference for directing energy inward to internal reflections, thoughts and impressions while the Extraversion preference directs energy to other people and the outside world.

Example: a child with an extraversion preference might always seek the company of his or her friends and the more the merrier, while a child with an introversion preference will prefer to play with one friend at a time, or may even prefer to play alone most of the time.

The table below shows the main characteristics of the Introversion/Extraversion preference.

The second dimension, Sensing/Intuition identifies the kind of information we take in. Someone with a Sensing preference will notice real facts and details using their five senses, while someone with an Intuition preference will notice connections, relationships, possibilities and even hidden meanings.

Example: A child with a preference for Sensing might enjoy trading cards or non-fiction books; absorbing all the facts and details. A child with a preference for Intuition might announce, in all seriousness, that they want a magic wand to make everything be the way they want it.

The table below shows the main characteristics of the Sensing/Intuition preference.

The third dimension Thinking/Feeling describes how a person makes decisions. Some naturally prefer to use logic and analysis (Thinking) to make decisions, while others prioritise values and consideration of how decisions will affect other people (Feeling).

Example: A child with a preference for Thinking might have a tendency to be blunt or abrupt and genuinely be unaware if they upset a friend. A child with a preference for Feeling might seem very sensitive and always strive to make those around them happy.

The table below shows the main characteristics of the Thinking/Feeling preference.

Finally, the fourth dimension, Judging/Perceiving, describes how you like to organise the world around you. A preference for Judging is a desire to have things settled and ordered, whereas a preference for Perceiving means a desire to leave things open and flexible.

Example: A child with a preference for judging might be very concerned with keeping to a plan showing distress if plans change. A preference for perceiving might display itself as a lack of attention to timing, structure and orderliness.

The table below shows the main characteristics of the Judging/Perceiving preference.

I understand now why what I thought would make Scarlett happy frequently had the opposite effect. I also feel better equipped to support her so that she grows up with a healthy self esteem and confidence in her own beautiful uniqueness.

In reading this article, you may have identified your own preferences and even those of your children. Embrace your differences as well as your similarities! When you make parenting choices, consider the natural preferences of your children in your decision process. Your children will appreciate it, I know Scarlett has!

Reference: Nurture by Nature (1997) by Paul D. Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tiege

As I was reflecting on the MBTI workshop that I facilitated this past weekend, I observed something that struck me so I wanted to share in a blog post.

First, I need to explain a little about how the MBTI is administered. Completing the questionnaire is just one stage in the iterative process of identifying your Best-Fit type.  Another stage in the process is a self-assessment involving reading descriptions of the characteristics of the four opposite preference pairs and choosing their natural preferences.

Statistics show that reported type from the questionnaire and the self-assessment type differ up to 75% of participants in at least one personality preference pair. Participants are usually surprised and a little concerned at this apparent lack of self-knowledge until I reassure them that it’s completely normal and expected.

What I found interesting at my recent workshop on Saturday which was attended by people that work during the week was that a higher percentage of participants that work had discrepancies between their reported Type and self-assessment Type. Now, this is a purely anecdotal observation on my part but in my workshop I do touch on areas where people might have to ‘flex’ and behave out of preference in the workplace.

Examples include a person with a preference for having a very flexible approach to how they meet deadlines (Perceiving) having to behave in a more structured manner with regard to project planning (Judging) in order to meet the needs of a project team. Someone who would naturally prefer to reflect inwardly and keep thoughts personal (Introversion) might be drawn into to a more open approach (Extroversion) when collaborating with colleagues.

We all ‘flex’ our natural preferences on a daily basis. However, people at work may find themselves doing so on such a regular and prolonged basis that they risk not realising their behaviour does not align with their natural preferences. While we should all seek personal growth and self-development in terms of going out of our comfort zone, we need to be mindful of the effect of doing this to excess can have.

At best, acting out of preference for a prolonged period without making provision for one’s personality preferences and needs can cause a mild unease or feeling that something is not quite right. At worst, it can cause long term psychological stress which is much more difficult to come back from as our mental functions are altered.

To achieve balance, we can develop non-preferred functions while at the same time making the effort to renew mental energy by exercising our true personality preferences. I hope that my participants now have an increased understanding of these natural preferences.

In Part I of this topic, I discussed how non-preferred mental functions sometimes make us behave or feel out of character and less in control.

Now I’ll take a closer look at the stressors that trigger non-preferred functions to take hold and what to do to get yourself back to ‘normal’.

As a rule, any situation or environment that causes your mental energy supply to run low can cause stress and trigger your non-preferred functions.  Here are some of the most common factors:

Fatigue and illness

Have you noticed that when you are sleep deprived or sick, you find it hard to focus then after a good sleep or when you recover, you feel ‘yourself’ again? If physical energy is low, mental energy is also low.  If fatigue or illness last for prolonged periods or become a recurring condition, then people may find it difficult to remember what their true personality preferences are which in turn increases the psychological stress experienced.

Psychological Stress

We are all unique and have unique energisors. Having an understanding of our preferred mental functions and knowing what we need to renew our energy supplies enables us to craft a lifestyle that caters to the unique needs of our personality. Conversely, if the balance is off with regards to these needs and energisors, mental energy will run low leaving the door open for  non-preferred functions to take over.  For example, one of my energisors is socialising (Extroversion preference). However, if I have too many social commitments planned, it doesn’t matter how much fun I’m likely to have, I will start to lose mental energy because I also have a need to remain flexible and spontaneous (Perceiving preference).

Alcohol and mind altering drugs

When someone is under  the influence of alcohol or other drugs, mental functions and the ability to make normal choices are affected. Depending on a person’s reaction, they may find themselves acting like a caricature of themselves or complete unlike their normal selves.

Life transitions

We all experience various major transitions as we journey through life such as adolescence, marriage, starting a family and midlife. The pressure of these transitions can cause psychological stress and invite non-preferred functions to take hold.

How do I get back to normal?

If any of the above sounds familiar to you then you may be wondering what to do to get yourself out of the grip of your non-preferred functions.

Here are my top tips for keeping the non-preferred functions at bay and getting back to the real you:

• Get more good quality sleep
• Write a list of your personality preferences and energisors
• If you’re unsure what your preferences and energisors are, consider a psychometric assessment such as MBTI®
• Identify stressor(s) in your life that trigger the non-preferred functions
• Decide if you can reduce the occurrence of any of these stressors
• Make sure you build in time in your schedule to do what energises you most
• Choose an activity that forces you back to using your preferred mental functions
• Ask those around you to help out with stressors in your life

Finally, how do you react when a partner, colleague, friend or family member is under stress and not behaving normally.

Do:

• Validate concerns expressed
• Try to understand point of view described

Don’t:

• Try to reason with them
• Contradict them
• Defend yourself against accusations
• Minimise or dismiss concerns expressed
• Make fun of them

Then once they are back to normal, send them the link to this blog post!

“The “other” in us always seems alien and unacceptable; but if we let ourselves be aggrieved the feeling sinks in, and we are the richer for this little bit of self-knowledge”

C.G. Jung, Civilisation in Transition

At the start of a MBTI® workshop, I point out that Type establishes natural preferences in a normal state and I make it clear that feeling tired, sick, under stress or in any other altered state may result in a misleading interpretation. This is because participants are much more likely to answer inconsistently or out of character when answering multiple questions designed to reveal the same preference  if they are under physical or mental stress.

Most of us will admit to having an “other” that rears its ugly head occasionally and we’ve probably all thought “What’s got into them?” or “That’s so unlike them!” of someone we know. What’s interesting is that while our “other” character is as unique as our normal character, knowing our Type can help us to predict what happens when we’re in this altered state. We then realise that what seems like abnormal, irrational or even crazy behaviour is actually perfectly normal and even healthy.

The MBTI® instrument reveals the natural preferences you  were born with. Four opposite pairs are divided into two mental functions (Sensing vs Intuition and Thinking vs Feeling) and two attitudes (Extroversion vs Introversion and Judging vs Perceiving). We all have a preference for one over the other in each of the opposite pairs. The two preferred mental functions (the two middle letters of your four letter Type) are like the pilot and co-pilot controlling how we make sense of the world and how we make decisions. We are most comfortable when using these functions.

The two mental functions that do not appear in our MBTI® four letter type are the non-preferred functions. These are the key to understanding how we react to stress.

For example, if your MBTI® Type is:

ESTP, then Sensing and Thinking are the preferred mental functions. Intuition and Feeling are the non-preferred functions.
INFJ, then Intuition and Feeling are the preferred mental functions. Sensing and Thinking are the non-preferred functions.

Note: There is a hierarchy to non-preferred functions but for the purposes of this article, I’m keeping it simple.

During my TIP workshop on Type and Stress, I ask participants to describe themselves when normal and when they are not themselves. Here are some examples:

When our non preferred functions come out to play during times of stress, we feel less in control and it usually shows. Our behaviour or thoughts might seem exaggerated or extreme. We may come across as childish, touchy or easily angered. This is because we tend to use our non preferred functions much less and like anything that we don’t practice, we simply aren’t that good at it.

I like to explain this using a tennis analogy. Of all my tennis strokes, my backhand is my weakest. I feel more comfortable with my forehand so I try to make the most use of this during a game.  However, I force myself to practice my backhand for a more balanced game and to ensure that I can control a backhand shot when I need to use it. Similarly,  making intentional and appropriate use of non-preferred functions increases our comfort so we are better able to control these functions when under stress. Engaging in relaxing activities can also prompt people to exercise non-preferred functions in a non threatening way. In my case, I have a preference for Sensing yet when I go for a run, I tend to have greater insight into future opportunities and possibilities (Intuition function) than normal.

In Part II of this topic, I’ll talk more about triggers of the non-preferred functions and what to do when you or others around you are showing outward signs of using their non-preferred functions.

Reference: “In the Grip, Understanding Type, Stress and the Inferior Function” by Naomi Quenk.

If you are interested in knowing more about your Type, you might consider attending one of my “Know your Type” workshops.